In light of me celebrating my 10th anniversary with my life partner, I thought I would discuss a topic that comes in all colors, preferences, ethnicity, and style. Relationships. Does not matter if you are Black, Hispanic, or Asian, relationships are work in every language. It is a career in most eyes. You have to work to fall in love, work to stay in love, and work to keep that love. It becomes a partnership, an alliance of sorts. I have been with my soldier for some time now and I will be the first to admit we are not perfect. We make plenty of mistakes and we don’t always get it right. But, it’s the fact that we love each other and want to be with each other that motivates us to work at our relationship and to keep each other guessing.
I am a helpless romantic. I like writing love letters and gifting. I am emotional and sentimental. I am a passionate partner. I like to make sure my partner feels loved by me in an emotional aspect as well as physical. My partner shows his love by acts of love. He likes to take me out, buy little gifts and make me feel special. He is playful and a prankster. He likes to show his love through humor and by being head of the household. Yes, very different from each other, but when we come together we balance our relationship out. Just because we have different love languages does not mean we cannot be fluent to each other.
What is love language you might ask? Well excellent question. Gary Chapman wrote a book on understanding the five languages of love. Everyone speaks a different love language. Mr. Chapman writes that there are 5 different love languages. These languages are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. He is convinced that there are five basic love languages – five ways to express love emotionally. Each person has a primary love language that we must learn to speak if we want that person to feel loved. I have provided some of Mr. Chapman’s theories as well as my own advice to help explain these love languages.
If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, your spoken praise and appreciation will fall like rain on parched soil. Before long, you will see new life sprouting in your marriage as your spouse responds to your words of love. Do you remember the old saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? For some people, that is particularly true of love. If acts of service are your partner’s primary love language, nothing will speak more deeply to him or her emotionally than simple acts of service. If your partner’s love language is quality time, giving him or her your undivided attention is one of the best ways you can show your love. If physical touch is your partner’s primary love language, nothing communicates love more clearly than for you to take the initiative to reach out and touch your mate. If your partner likes receiving gifts the gifts don’t have to be expensive or elaborate; it’s the thought that counts. Even something as simple as a homemade card or a few cheerful flowers will communicate your love to your spouse. Little things mean a lot to a person whose primary love language is receiving gifts.
Here’s some advice from the heart. When you are with a woman, treat her like you are with her. Do not hide your relationship. Don’t ever treat the woman you are with like you treat every other woman. Allow her to stand out from the rest. If you call her babe, don’t call another female babe. If you call your girl mami or mama don’t call your female friend ma or mami. If you call your partner pretty lady do not call all the girls you know pretty lady. How is your woman going to know she means anything to you if you are treating her like everyone else? Don’t treat her like she is average. Make her feel like she is #1. No man wants his woman doing for a man what she is only supposed to be doing for him. Relationships can be so beautiful if partners just treated each other with love & respect. Treat your woman like a queen because in her eyes you’re her king. Don’t jeopardize your relationship with a good woman for anything or anyone. If she is doing what she has to do to keep you then be worth keeping. If she has chosen you over everyone, then make her life worthwhile because for her there is no one else. You are the one. She wants you and only you. Don’t give up when things get difficult. Don’t let people’s opinions dictate your feelings. Don’t mess it up. Love her because she is willing to do anything for you. This all worked for me, but everyone is different. I only hope that I can continue to count the years I spend with my partner. I am aiming for forever, which is always rare in this generation. We should always make sure we do what it takes to keep the person we love.
Please be sure to pick up “The Five Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman.
Have a great week me gente.
Dira Monroe (c)