Casa Latina > Lifestyle

As immigrants, each of us has a very important story to tell and we have all found ways to carry our culture and our values with us on this journey.

As parents raising bicultural children, it seems like we are always holding things from two places: the countries we came from and our home here in the US.

We are often torn between the need to adapt to our “new” culture and the values and beliefs that are dear to us from our place of origin. There are many challenges to living in a new culture: language barriers, cultural differences, legal issues, even changes in climate!

Adjusting

The question is: what are ways of adjusting to life in the US while still holding on to the many wonderful qualities and traditions of our home country and culture?

Being able to navigate US culture empowers us to make informed choices for ourselves and your family. Our kids are growing up in this culture. To stay connected to them we are challenged to become more integrated into American society. This is not always easy. There may be conflicts between the new set of values our children are learning and ours.

Cultural values: impact on how you are raised.

Cultural values impacted the way we were raised. Our culture gave us unwritten rules and expectations about how to raise our children. Generally, Hispanic culture emphasizes traditional roles where parents have ultimate authority over children. Latino culture encourages us to feel that our children “belong” to us and to our family.

American culture encourages the notion that children are their own independent person and we are there to help them develop and grow. American culture in general promotes the idea that parents and children are partners in life and should make decisions together.

It is not surprising that bicultural children might have different expectations of the kind of parents we are supposed to be!

How do you want your kids to grow up?

“I don’t want my children to grow up like the kids here, irrespetuosos y maleducados”, said Adriana, a mother of two who emigrated from Colombia. Adriana’s daughter, Jasmin, an outspoken 9 year old who was born in the US, had begun to challenge her mother’s decisions. Jasmin wanted to spend the night at her best friend’s house and her mom did not allow it. Adriana felt that, unless it was a cousin, Jasmin should not spend nights anywhere other than at home. Adriana expects children to have “buenos modales” and learn from her instead of challenging her. Jasmin’s reaction surprised her. “Everybody does it here, Mami, why can’t you let me be like the others?”

So, how to reconcile the two worlds. Being aware of the cultural values we hold dear and of the ones that we might be willing to change is a great start.

Meet Marianela

Marianela, a 14 year old, has a boyfriend. Julian is 16 yrs old and goes to the same school. She came to the USA from El Salvador with her mother, Ana, when she was seven. Marianela is, in many ways, a bicultural kid. In El Salvador she learned that girls must be protected from boys and should stay close to home. In America, she learned that she is strong and smart and can take care of herself. She knows that her mother does not believe that she should have any relationships with boys yet. She doesn’t tell her mother about Julian. When Ana finds out, her reaction is to assume that Marianela is in danger of getting pregnant . Ana is a good, responsible mother and she doesn’t think she needs to negotiate, she makes a unilateral decision based on deeply held cultural values that encourage Latino moms and dads to protect girls.

Not surprisingly, family conflict soon rears its ugly head.

Sometimes adapting to living in a second culture tests all that we care about. Let’s face it; it can be frustrating to realize that your children’s experience of growing up won’t be like yours. This frustration can sometimes lead us to ”gloss over” many aspects of life in the countries we came from. Many of the values and beliefs that we were raised with are helping us build strong, loving families. And, sometimes, other values and beliefs hold us and our families back. Raising our children in America often requires us to walk a fine line in unfamiliar territory; making sure to take the best of what is important to us about our cultural values and beliefs; while letting go of what didn’t serve us then or now.

The positive side

As immigrants, each of us has a very important story to tell and we have all found ways to carry our culture and our values with us on this journey. As parents raising bicultural children, it seems like we are always holding things from two places: the countries we came from and our home here in the US.

On the positive side, think about what you brought over with you: your values, the positive experiences from your country, and your memories of growing up. You brought unique and special things that you learned while growing up. Your family values, your ability to speak more than one language, your sense of humor, your ability to manage with limited resources, your creativity, or your positive way of interacting with others.

Some questions to ask

1. With this in mind, ask yourself the following questions:
2. What is one value that feels particularly important to me to pass on to my children?
3. How is this value connected to the place I came from?
4. How am I teaching this value to my children?
5. Do my children understand what I am trying to teach them?
6. Do they need this value to do well in this culture?
7. How is this working for me?
8. How is it working for them?

The answers to these questions may open the door to the awareness we need to balance what we have always known and loved with the opportunities we have in our new lives.